And when I’ll leave, you will find me In those fallen autumn leaves in the backyard. Under the big ancient tree where we spent eternal time talking about each other. In those photo frames where we captured朗 some beautiful moments together. On all the long drives with our favourite playlist playing aloud. On every rain drop that falls on our rooftop and the lightening thunder I was scared of. In those half burnt scented candles when the electricity went off. In those chewed pen caps while making the grocery list. On the bed in between of the satin linen where we layed in each other’s arms. On the kitchen top with those half empty coffee mugs with my lipstick stains on it. On the dining table which was our favourite place in the whole house. On the bean bag where you always kissed me deeply. On the empty swing where I loved taking my morning coffee ☕. On the bathroom floor where we took shower together. You will miss me on the balcony chairs where we drank endless wine while gazing at the stars. In between of the flowy curtains where we chased each other while having funny arguments. In every mirror in the house when you’ll see yourself through my eyes. On the front porch where I greeted you with hugs when you came home from work. You will find my fragrance in the laundry basket with huge piled up clothes. In all my poetries about you scribbled in my notepad on my desk. You will find me in all the innumerable moments, in your every infinite heartbeat and in each countless breath you take. I will always be there limitlessly.
Sometimes I think we all are addicted to something that ruins us, but but then again it’s too enthralling to let go off that. And as decades pass our soul entangles itself with that ruiner and become a part of that ruin. You want to get unattached but you admire the stars as you await dawn.
It destroys you but you feel complete. It’s like Love 😘. I would still know you with a voice unheard and face unseen, yeah I will still know it’s you. Because Love is the only thing we carry from one life to the next#.
“The half written empty poetries lay on my desk Forever like a dream The night seems unescapable shadowing his love so threatening.
The smaller breaths I take Make my days longer Forgetting Love is formidable and smart And vanishes like a rumour.
Inconsolable my heart Wanting him since many lives The night passes by Like the moon from the sky.
Bruised but not broken About the love I cannot lie Waiting to open his hearts door I have loved him for a thousand years I’ll love him a for a thousand more”.
” I love😊 mountains and farms but there’s something about the ocean that puts me at ease. Watching the sunrise at the beach, smelling the salt air while seeing the waves crash and the cottony clouds rolling past above us is just so beautiful & necessary “.
Escaping into the nature🌿 Cancelling all your plans The quiet coffee shops Empty book stores The rainy days and thunderstorms.
I humm a poem that is scratched onto the walls of my restless heart No one knows about it Except the noise of my thoughts.
Go dance upon the shore Where the winds & the water’s roar Do you know why the ocean obeys the moon Because there are some days When the ocean loves you.
The sea waves are canny It falls and it flows That’s when I think of 😘you When I look at the sea very close.
You😘 and me go together Like the sunset and the sea Lies a calm along the deep A love by the sea.
“He told me to come with him. And then when he was gone there was a unfathomable brokenness inside of me. Like a part of me wasn’t there. I was incomplete, shallow, sad and empty. There was a void. Everyday I felt what if I had gone with him. I reassured myself that I can only heal, if I let go. And that never happened. His love for me was endless. He always said, When you get tired from this world, come fall in my arms.”
This is for him wherever he is : You are a story I tell people, when they talk about love 😘. You are my unfinished poem. “I will love you when you are warm as June or as cold as December. I’ll love you even when you will no longer remember”.
People ask me why your poems are always about unrequited love. And that makes me ponder a lot. And I tell them, what began as a simple conversation, ended in love. Two souls falling in love with each other. I wonder when will I be able to forget you completely. I don’t remember you each day but you are somewhere there inside of me. It’s just that I shadow you or I wouldn’t have been able to pull off all these days…it’s difficult because there’s a continuous struggle to wipe you off from my memories. But someday I will stop writing about you and will write poetries where people would smile at the end of it. But till then I will try not loving you. There will be a day when I’ll stitch all my poems into a beautiful moon and I will hang it up there in the sky, where all of the stars will fall in love with it for the next one thousand million years. That will be a poem about us. People will read about it and everytime they’ll look at the moon, they will know about love 😘 . They’ll know about you and me.
Love can create an illusion that anything is possible. It projects a sky high level of optimisim and everything seems yesterday.
One day his letters stopped coming. And I waited for them like you wait for a lunar eclipse. I read his letters every night. His last impassioned letter lay on my pillow while I watched it like an old flame withering away slowly.It wrote, please forgive this last letter. I’ll be waiting. There was nothing else written. And with length of time, Love❤️ was the word I decided to drop off from my vocabulary. Days stretched into weeks and I learned to go to bed with an aching heart. I was trying to make order out of chaos, sense out of that last letter and I sincerely needed to think functional. I was a recovering lover, pledging for sorority and hoping to resurrect my faltering love.
Your mind is a shrine and not a warehouse of inappropriate emotions. But love they say can fix everything from a broken heart to the crack of dawn. I thought I was extremely well researched about the topic love 😘. But I was getting emotionally depleted day by day. Life went on like that. Time had become fragmented, unmanageable and departed in chaotic clumps of hours. Now waiting had become endless & pain was inherent to my soul.
Then one winter on a crisp morning when the rigid temperatures were dropping like an ice candy. My feet invariably walked towards the mailbox. My disappointed eyes searched for the long awaited letter if any, but it was nowhere to be. I returned back towards the porch and sat on the wooden swing. My mind was too tired again. The chilled wind swayed the swing back & forth like my restless thoughts. There was something tucked at the door knob I could see, but my unwillingness was obvious. But abruptly I just rushed like a storm to grasp it.
The letter. There it was, curled up in a brown envelope just like the old ones. The mailman must have been kind enough to keep It there considering the cold weather. The envelope smelled the same. It seemed his scent touched my skin with a sense of familiarity. I hurriedly picked it up and sat back on the swing as my heart pounded up & down and I felt it could explode anytime as my ribs rattled. The next few moments were panicky. Flashback of all the time we spent together, the first date, the first kiss💋, the white linen on which we made love for the first time, my most liked light pink long sultry curtains in his bedroom, his perfume, a certain kind of fragrance when around him, the feel of his fingertips all over me, the departed tears flowing through my face knowing we would never meet again the last time we met, flashed quickly like a movie preview. The wind outside now was slowing down but not the wind inside of me. It raced the fastest ever.
I opened the envelope hurriedly as I could, and unfolded the crisp neat white paper imprinted with rose petals. But as my eyes searched for waves of words to flow. I was again thwarted with only a single line. But now, I didn’t rush to read it. I wasn’t desperate. I was wanting, i was hoping but I was not willing for another long stretch of vivid brokeness. I slowed down.
I silent myself with a lot of urge and calmed my racing mind. Disgruntled & disheartened I closed my enervated eyes. A touch of 🍁 maple leaf on my shoulder, flown by the breeze interrupted my rustling thoughts with a confession of hope, of the coming spring & parting winter. The letter was clutched tight in my hand and part of me wanted to read it the fastest. The words looked blurry with my teary eyes as they trippled down towards my heart. It felt like my soul was about to leave my body, when my eyes tried reading that one only line I wanted to read so intensely ever. As desperate as I was in my mind, I somewhere ruminated he wasn’t coming back. With my trembling faith & dying wish my eyes looked at those whelming lines. The words politely recited “I am coming. Meet at falling leaves”. And before I could fathome those lovey trails of tender words, the cold breeze flew the letter out of my hand on towards the big maple🍁tree in my yard and I could see it swirling up high round and around. But I didn’t feel the need to chase it now. There was nothing that was going to slid away. The thunderstorm inside me was calmed but the windy breeze outside danced like a little girl in 😘 love.
My tired soul lied back on the swing. The wait wasn’t over yet. The 🍁maple tree was as impatient as me for our rendezvous.
Madhura Jha 